Trauma is deeply personal and transformative. It’s not just an event that happens to us, but a complex experience that affects our very being - our nervous system, our sense of self, and our connections with others. It is a sense of disconnection.
Relaxation is our normal state, anchored in feelings of trust and safety. When these foundations are shaken, we experience dysregulation that leaves us often with feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness to make a change. This can be exacerbated by constant stressors or the emotional burden of regulating others. We're all interconnected. Other people's dysregulated nervous systems affect us because we are wired to connect, and we do it through our nervous system.
Identity and Trauma
Over time, you might start to see your dysregulated state as a defining trait of your personality, and you start to create false belief systems about yourself. But it's crucial to remember that your survival responses do not define you. They are reactions to past experiences, not reflections of your true self.
Recognise trauma response
Trauma responses vary - from confronting danger with aggression, seeking safety in avoidance, feeling stuck or paralyzed, to seeking approval through people-pleasing. Identifying these responses is the first step in breaking the cycle of trauma, which often recycles the same triggers and patterns of thoughts. The average person has about 95% of the same thoughts as the day before.
The Importance of Somatic Awareness
Trauma often expresses itself nonverbally. Being aware of your feelings, body language, movement, senses, and breath is essential in understanding and processing trauma.
Regulating the Nervous System
Our nervous system doesn't self-regulate itself in today's fast-paced world filled with triggers and stimuli. It's crucial to take active steps to return to a state of calm and centeredness after stressful or traumatic experiences. This involves understanding your unique nervous system and its needs.
The role of co-regulation
We don't have to navigate this journey alone. Co-regulation, the process of seeking emotional support from others, can be a powerful tool and very needed. Most commonly known co-regulation happens between parents and children, but it can occur as well between friends, partners, or even therapists and their clients. It's all about supporting each other emotionally in a way that helps both people feel more stable and calmer.
Empathy vs compassion
While empathy involves sharing the feelings of others, it can sometimes be overwhelming. Empathy tends to amplify the state that we are in, also causing empaths to take on too much and neglect their own regulation. Compassion, on the other hand, allows us to support others without losing ourselves in the process.
Your environment matters
Be conscious of your surroundings and the people you interact with. Positive social interactions and environments can significantly aid in emotional balance and healing. A positive social connection can make you feel better through their presence, words, or actions.
Healing takes time
In our fast-paced world, we often forget to take time to process stress and trauma. Understanding your reactions and learning how to respond differently is a crucial part of the healing process. Shadow work can be a beneficial tool where your triggers can be your guides.
Healing is a journey
Remember, healing is a journey that requires patience and understanding. By focusing on self-regulation and seeking support when needed, you can rebuild the connections that trauma has affected and progress on your path to recovery.
Simple ways to self-regulate:
- Maintain a balanced diet
- Stay hydrated
- Spend time in nature and sunlight
- Engage in regular movement or exercise
- Practice mindful breathing
- Ground yourself (various techniques)
- Explore somatic practices
- Cultivate social connections
Signs of the regulated nervous system:
- Feeling calm and centred
- Experiencing inner peace
- Managing stress and triggers effectively (without becoming overwhelmed)
- Staying present in the moment
If you're struggling to regulate your nervous system, don't hesitate to seek professional guidance. They can provide you with effective tools and techniques.